An Open Letter...

The heart is an odd instrument. The things that we allow people to do to our hearts, and yet we still feel compassion for them. They destroy everything that you thought was possible with their actions, and yet, you feel bad for them. There is no going back, I know that, and, to be honest, back isn't necessarily wanted in the first place. It's the getting over the hurt and the "what if" questions. It's an odd circumstance to love.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

In all honesty, there are days where I miss the past, but, it's the past that is made up. Is anything of the past ever real after you see what someone is capable of. When you make such a mistake as that, you come to realize what it is that you have lost. Me. You become gracious and humbled by the experience and you learn. Both parties must move on, and hopefully it is a move to something that surpasses what was previously there. The thing is, you must put your all into the new. You must dive into it as if you can never be hurt again. There are things that I have told the new that I would have never told the old. I can be myself. I can be loved. I can be appreciated. And as I cry writing this, I just want to be faithful to the new, despite the past. I know that the past is the past and we all have one, but my past destroyed me, and the new continues to build up the ruins of a man that didn't think that he could ever be picked up again.

So, the words here are a cry to the past and a cry to the future. The words are for an unleashing of feelings. The words are to be honest. The words are to show love that was and love that is.

Genesis 12

Bye Bye Birdie

The past is just that, the past. However, the acceptance of the past is something that allows us to move forward. Our past shapes us and it molds us into different people. The past should mold us into better people. We should learn from the events of the past and use them as stepping stones to better understanding how we should carry ourselves in the future. The difficult part is getting others to accept how our past has shaped us. Each new person that we come into contact with must accept that there was a life before them, and, there will likely be a life after them. ("The present is a gift, and I just wanna be" - Common) We can only live in the moment. That is all that we have. The past should be left in the past and the acceptance of the past must be made by all parties involved. Let go and let God.

Genesis 12

My Mind: The Ever-Complex Object

I sat at the dinner table this evening with the three most important women in my life, and listened to two of them, my Mother and Grandmother, tell stories about when they knew that I was different. There were different instances and stories that each of them had that spanned my toddler years to those of my pre-teenage years. Their stories were different from the ones that I had about myself. I've known, since about the 5th grade, that my mind operates a bit differently. I just think on another level. I'm not claiming my level to be superior to any other, I just feel that the way that I think and act isn't necessarily to the following of that of the masses. For example, I'm comfortable enough with my sexuality to not speak on supposed "conquests," and watch shows such as; 'Desperate Housewives,' 'Gossip Girl,' and '90210.' But, on the flip side, I can tell you Lakers history going back to before I was even born. I can quote the illest lyrics out, just like ever other guy in the world. But, my mind, my mind is complex. I've always thought that I would be completely incapable of finding a long lasting love because of the complexity of my thoughts. I've always felt that any woman would get fed up with trying to understand and just give up delving into the mystery that is "Thomas Walker." I never stop thinking. I'm hardly ever predictable. I can switch up in a minute. When I'm happy, you'll know it. When I'm not happy, you struggle to see why. I don't divulge to much of my personal life to many. I love with all of my heart and I detest with just as much of the same. My thoughts are complex. My mind is an ever-complex object. Please, just try to keep up, and I apologize for the confusion in advance. (51/49)

Genesis 12

The Progress of a Successful Heart

The heart is often times correlated with being the origin of our affection. The heart is given to others to show them that we care for them. Our heart is the foundation for all successful and meaningful lives and relationships. The heart, however, is easily broken. The heart can be shattered, often times to the point of no return or repair. However, the mind is what allows us to think of the heart as such an ornament. The mind is what controls our emotions and our love. The mind is the source of progression and regression. Once hurt, we allow our mind to control our heart and shelter us so that we cannot be hurt again. But, the heart seeks progression. The heart seeks to feel that feeling from before, only this time, have the feeling be better. The heart seeks the next high that love provides and when it is found, the heart seeks to progress with that love. The heart seeks progression. I have the progress of a successful heart, and I thank you for that. (51/49)

Genesis 12