An Open Letter...

The heart is an odd instrument. The things that we allow people to do to our hearts, and yet we still feel compassion for them. They destroy everything that you thought was possible with their actions, and yet, you feel bad for them. There is no going back, I know that, and, to be honest, back isn't necessarily wanted in the first place. It's the getting over the hurt and the "what if" questions. It's an odd circumstance to love.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

In all honesty, there are days where I miss the past, but, it's the past that is made up. Is anything of the past ever real after you see what someone is capable of. When you make such a mistake as that, you come to realize what it is that you have lost. Me. You become gracious and humbled by the experience and you learn. Both parties must move on, and hopefully it is a move to something that surpasses what was previously there. The thing is, you must put your all into the new. You must dive into it as if you can never be hurt again. There are things that I have told the new that I would have never told the old. I can be myself. I can be loved. I can be appreciated. And as I cry writing this, I just want to be faithful to the new, despite the past. I know that the past is the past and we all have one, but my past destroyed me, and the new continues to build up the ruins of a man that didn't think that he could ever be picked up again.

So, the words here are a cry to the past and a cry to the future. The words are for an unleashing of feelings. The words are to be honest. The words are to show love that was and love that is.

Genesis 12

Bye Bye Birdie

The past is just that, the past. However, the acceptance of the past is something that allows us to move forward. Our past shapes us and it molds us into different people. The past should mold us into better people. We should learn from the events of the past and use them as stepping stones to better understanding how we should carry ourselves in the future. The difficult part is getting others to accept how our past has shaped us. Each new person that we come into contact with must accept that there was a life before them, and, there will likely be a life after them. ("The present is a gift, and I just wanna be" - Common) We can only live in the moment. That is all that we have. The past should be left in the past and the acceptance of the past must be made by all parties involved. Let go and let God.

Genesis 12

My Mind: The Ever-Complex Object

I sat at the dinner table this evening with the three most important women in my life, and listened to two of them, my Mother and Grandmother, tell stories about when they knew that I was different. There were different instances and stories that each of them had that spanned my toddler years to those of my pre-teenage years. Their stories were different from the ones that I had about myself. I've known, since about the 5th grade, that my mind operates a bit differently. I just think on another level. I'm not claiming my level to be superior to any other, I just feel that the way that I think and act isn't necessarily to the following of that of the masses. For example, I'm comfortable enough with my sexuality to not speak on supposed "conquests," and watch shows such as; 'Desperate Housewives,' 'Gossip Girl,' and '90210.' But, on the flip side, I can tell you Lakers history going back to before I was even born. I can quote the illest lyrics out, just like ever other guy in the world. But, my mind, my mind is complex. I've always thought that I would be completely incapable of finding a long lasting love because of the complexity of my thoughts. I've always felt that any woman would get fed up with trying to understand and just give up delving into the mystery that is "Thomas Walker." I never stop thinking. I'm hardly ever predictable. I can switch up in a minute. When I'm happy, you'll know it. When I'm not happy, you struggle to see why. I don't divulge to much of my personal life to many. I love with all of my heart and I detest with just as much of the same. My thoughts are complex. My mind is an ever-complex object. Please, just try to keep up, and I apologize for the confusion in advance. (51/49)

Genesis 12

The Progress of a Successful Heart

The heart is often times correlated with being the origin of our affection. The heart is given to others to show them that we care for them. Our heart is the foundation for all successful and meaningful lives and relationships. The heart, however, is easily broken. The heart can be shattered, often times to the point of no return or repair. However, the mind is what allows us to think of the heart as such an ornament. The mind is what controls our emotions and our love. The mind is the source of progression and regression. Once hurt, we allow our mind to control our heart and shelter us so that we cannot be hurt again. But, the heart seeks progression. The heart seeks to feel that feeling from before, only this time, have the feeling be better. The heart seeks the next high that love provides and when it is found, the heart seeks to progress with that love. The heart seeks progression. I have the progress of a successful heart, and I thank you for that. (51/49)

Genesis 12

(Slow Down + Brand New + Something) X Drake = Magic Carpets & Sixth Senses

Perhaps Drake has the right idea. Think about it. "Slow Down." "Brand New." "Something." They're all songs that really just analyze different parts of the relationship. So, we'll take a "Last-type" look at each of these songs and what they mean through my eyes, based on my past, present, and future relationships. (No subliminals. All you get.)

"Slow Down"

There are alot of "what if's" in this track, but the main point is that, we could have alot. I might be able to get everything that first night, laying on the grass in the park. Maybe we both feel like we have a connection going that surpasses anything that we've ever felt before. The point is, however, that the initial feeling is based on the moment. There is no reflection. Everything is wonderful when it's new. After that first kiss, you feel like you're on Cloud 9, and that's wonderful. That's what's supposed to happen, but, you also need time to reflect. You need time to "slow down." Drake talks about knowing everything about the person. About it feeling right, but then it's over. Why would you jeopardize something that could be so splendid in the long run, for a bit of satisfaction that crushes everything thereafter? Sometimes we just need a moment to breath, learn, and "slow down." Not everything has to be done so quickly.

"What if I don't call you back, prove you right, and all this lasts just one night. Maybe we should slow it down."

There are a lot of feelings involved in everything that we do. Physical intimacy is one of the ways that our emotions are captured the easiest and hurt with that same sense of ease. Protecting your heart is vital. Taking things slowly can be so beneficial. The magic carpet is going steadily right now. And as long as you're on the same page with that special person, everything will be just fine.

"Brand New"

I'm only talking about the original version of this song. Lil Wayne ruined the remix. I'm sorry. He doesn't ruin many remixes, but this song was just fine the way it was. Alright, here it goes.

"Is anything I'm doing brand new?"

We've all asked this question. Well, most guys have. We don't like to admit that we're self-conscious, but many of us are. Many of us want to make sure that we're doing things right. We need a bit of, not so much gratification, but just, appreciation. If a woman shows no gratitude for our actions, then we have no idea what to think. We think that everything that we're doing has already been done, almost as though she is bored with it. It's often times just good to know that we're doing something right and that we're appreciated, especially if a guy is working his tail off to show her that she's more than just a girl, a woman, or just another conquest. When a real guy comes along, she should show him that he's doing things differently, or at least differently than she's previously experienced.

"And I hate hearing stories bout who you been wit. That's when I gotta hide, what I'm feelin inside, so you still think I'm confident, and damn. Is this gonna last? You're up on a pedestal. Are we moving to fast? Feel like I'm in crazy competition with the past."

Again, you have to slow things down to understand what it is that you have to do. We as men need to know her, and she needs to know us. That's just the way things go. We do have to learn about eachother's past. If we don't learn about eachother's past, it's very hard to understand what is, in fact, "brand new" and what has already been done. We all want to be original in the way we love, treat, and make love to someone. We want everything to be "brand new."

"Something"

The song is only two minutes and ten seconds long, but I may have never heard a song that I could identify with more.

"Falling too fast, clearly rules don't apply. Can't believe that I just met you. You got me here watching minutes pass by, wondering when to expect you. There you go. Is this a dream? Looking like every picture that I've seen of you before."

We often times fall too fast. We often times want a person to fill a void in our lives. We often think that nothing is "something" simply because we don't know the person. "Falling to fast. Can't believe that I just met you." Drake is dealing with a stranger. He knows that it could be "something" because of his initial reaction to her, but he doesn't know because he doesn't know her. We've gotten away from having a friend before we have a significant other. We've gotten away from actually caring about a person's likes and dislikes. Now it's more so based on how fast we can have sex with them. Our relationships have become entirely physical, to the point that we're having sex with strangers; not knowing who they are, what they like, or what there goals are in life.

"I've seen it all before. Now that its over, I should have known better than to think this was real and you could be mine. I should have known better, slowed it down, cause I feel you needed time, but I kept thinkin..."

We push things because our heart craves love. We crave that feeling of being in love to the point that we convince ourselves we're there based on the notion that we could get to that point with a person.

"This could be something, this could be something, this could be something. Maybe it's just nothing at all. But this could be something..."

We all know when the potential for love is there. I just hope that we realize that there is always time to grow to care about the person. There is no rush if there is promise and potential there. We learn from our mistakes of rushing things in the past. Drake speaks on that in the beginning of the song. He says that he knows that time was needed. A lot of times people need to heal from past relationships. A lot of times people have to learn to trust again. No, it's not necessarily fair that the next person has to pay for the last person's faults and mistakes; whether it was cheating, lying, or general lack of respect, but, if it is indeed "something," then it's worth the time and effort.

"I guess it's what we make it, I guess it's what we make it."

We have the power to make any relationship what we want it to be. We have to discern when is the appropriate time for the appropriate action.

I'm glad that I have my magic carpet and my sixth sense...

Genesis 12

Touch me, and you might...die...

This is taken from my Myspace.

You know when you crave a touch. Just like, you crave to feel as though someone else wants you around when just a simple hug means more than anything else. You know what that feels like? That’s what just about every human learns to crave. It’s what babies need, and from then on, it is instilled in our brains that the touch of those that care and love us is a feeling of comfort. It doesn’t matter if I hug one of my guy friends (no homo), if I hug my sister, my mother, my dog, my lover…If you know that the person on the opposite end feels a certain way about you, it’s almost as if that touch, that connection between the two of you, is a connection that allows for a transfer of feelings. That touch can make your day brighter. And once that touch ends, it can leave you craving for the next one…Wondering if it’ll ever come again. Okay…Now, think about the touch that you want more than anything in the world right now…I’m not talking about sexual. I mean the simple grazing of your arm or the tapping on the shoulder. Think about the person that, if they were to do that, it would make you feel as though you were on another planet. Think about what that person smells like. Imagine them holding you. Imagine them simply standing near you…That touch, it has special powers, I guess. Human beings, we’re very odd creatures. We have items of semblance that create a certain lasting image. Take this for example, pornography…Yeah, we’ve all seen it, for the most part; some more than others. But, isn’t it amazing that people don’t kiss in porn? But, on the flip side, you can watch a movie and the symbol of their love and affection is portrayed through a kiss. So, it’s not about the erotic nature of sex that shows how much you care, but sometimes the simple things illustrate your feelings for someone, whether that simple act is a kiss, or even less, a touch. The power that we hold over each other is amazing. A person can do something and your entire personality can change. You can become someone that you hate being, but you have no real idea on how to stop acting that way. That’s happened to me more than once…It’s happening to me now. And the touch, the touch of that person can make you snap out of that mood quicker than Dash from “The Incredibles.” So, whether that touch symbolizes a good bye, an, “I miss you,” or an, “I love you,” it shows that you care. The touch may be the last, but it’s meant to let people know that they will always be in your heart. The touch is a power that we have, a gift that we can share. The touch…it’s deadly.

Genesis 12

Chivalry Isn't Dead...Your Mom Just Stopped Beating You...

Ladies often times complain about the guys they date. They say that they don't treat them well. They say that they're mean. They say that they don't listen, they don't go to church, they smoke, they drink, they don't get along with their friends, they don't take them out, they don't make them feel special, they just want sex, they just want sex...Hold on, because sometimes ladies say that...guys just want sex. So, ladies, I'll tell you what happened to the chivalry. Guys know about it. They were surely taught it, maybe. They have just forgotten because their mom stopped beating them. Think about this, when we were little, we played with the opposite sex and thought nothing of chivalry. It was taught to us by our mother's, well, I grew up with a single mother, so excuse my point of view, because it may be a bit different than some of yours. But, we would push a girl down, and we were told to apologize. We were told to play nicely. We grew older and we were taught to back off if she said, "No." We were taught to open doors, pull out chairs, and treat women with respect. Or, maybe this is just how Thomas grew up. But, after a while, you're mother stops beating these things into your brain and just trusts that you've learned. Now, some guys turn away from what they've learned because of what society says, what music says, or what their friends say. And some of us, that other 15%, continue going on in the way that makes women feel as though they are the greatest thing on this earth. So, I now go out with girls that have been my friend, just my friend, for years, and they wonder why I don't let them pay for things. Because to me, it'll always be a sign of disrespect to let you pay for anything...a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g. I'm surely I'm in the minority with how I feel, but once that little girl in the picture was born, my outlook changed a bit. I was twelve when she was born, but I said to myself, I have to try and treat every woman that I come in contact with like I want mys sister to be treated as she grows older. If more men had that outlook, I think there would be a lot less hurt women out there that were keeping themselves away from every guy out there. Just know this ladies, there are good ones out there, just be patient.

Genesis 12.

The Journey Begins

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome.

I've been blessed. I am blessed. I will continue to be blessed. Life is often times hard to understand and figure out. The infatuation that we have with money and material objects often times puts unnecessary strains on relationships and friendships. The lust that we have for the opposite sex puts added pressure on our psyche, to the point that we feel that if we don't get with enough girls, or have enough guys talking to us, we're less of a man or woman. Life is to be lived in a way that resembles something of purpose. I've set goals for myself that I seek to achieve. I think that, coming up on 22 years of age, I've achieved more than many, and I'm blessed for that reason, among many others. I'm blessed to know that there are people there that care, because at the end of the day, you need people that you can call at 2:18am to tell them that you need to talk to them, and they will wake up and listen, even if they have there alarm set for 6:00am so that they can be up that morning for work. Life isn't about the glamor. Life is not about the money. There is a balance in all things that we do. I make decent money at the moment. Some would consider it good for my age. But, what's most important is that I make what I make and don't hate what I do. Frankly, I enjoy it quite a bit. Things grow on you. You mature and you adjust. And there is a balance to life's passions and being successful. As we grow, we learn more about ourselves. Life is an extensive journey that we should take the time to thoroughly enjoy, because it's only a one-way trip before God calls us home. I live with no regrets and I thank God for each person that he has brought into my life, bad or good.

Genesis 12.